Vice

I watched this movie last saturday called Surveillance by Jeniffer Lynch. I have to say that there was one scene in the movie that was the definition of sadistic eroticism .... it was rather disturbing but its the kind that gets your eyes glued to the screen.

I have been a fan of Davind Lynch , with my all time fav movie being Mullholland's Drive. That was seriously a messed up movie but nicely done.

I guess the Lynch family has inspired me to become a director! And being the individual that i am, my topic of interest is very very controversial.

Sometimes i feel that the things i write ( in my diaries) are some of the real fantasies or experiences that people go through. I am not saying that EVERYONE is STRAIGHT, GAY, BI, LESBO, TRANS or whatever. Maybe we just conform to society thus in society, a MAN MUST ONLY LOVE a WOMAN. Which brings me to the quetion, WHAT ABOUT LOVE?? How do you know when to draw the line between love and obsession? What if LOVE is OBSESSION? and DESIRE is LUST? Personally, i feel that in life, we all need vices.... mine are love, obsession, desire, lust, greed, alcohol and the most important of them all PASSION! If i do not have that, i do not wich to live.

XOXO

Layla

I am so in need of a new job...

So throughout the weekends i managed to update my new job application status and i am so in need to start a fresh. That is really what i need. There has been too much problematic times in my life as i wonder " Why can't i always be happy?" . I am not saying that i constantly need to update my drug status but i am referring to a more serene method, like when i was 21 without a care in the world, just really really happy!

If i get one wish at this moment, it would be TO BE VERY VERY HAPPY!

I think i deserve that. Don't you?


xoxo
Layla

How should one deal with stress?

I think about this close to a daily basis. Thus I wonder, why am I so stressed out and can't focus. Could it be cause of all the things I hate in my life? Possibly.. but to think of it as the glass half full, I would say that I have good things in my life. Since yesterday I listed the things that are wrong or things that I want to change, today, as it is a Friday (TGIF all the way) , I wanna do something different. Something more positive.

 

Below are a list of things that I am grateful for:

1. Life
   
2. I have my health ( thank god)
   
3. I have finances thus I am not broke
   
4. I have a supportive family ( and some supportive friends)
   
5. I can basically do any damn thing that I want, all I have to do is focus
   
6. I have a car,house, possessions, all my IT requirements fulfilled, gadgets unlimited, new clothes, accessories and etc
   

Well a list of 6 things is not bad for a start. The only reason I wanted to start writing this blog was to curb my empty lust for life.

Hhhmm, to drink or not to drink, that be the question!

Well i have finally ATTEMPTED to stop drinking. I guess for some people it was becoming an extreme addiction that has a severely bad conclusion. I need to get my life in order as now it is not in a good place.I work for a screwed up malaysian company, in a division where my boss totally LOVES to stab me in the back!!

I guess i wanna make a list of things that suck in my life and in time deal with them and delete them one by one.

1) I HATE MY JOB
2 ) I want to further my education
3) I want to fall in love (again.... i kinda messed up in the past, what can i say, i was young and stupid)
4) I want new experiences ( and i want to be sober )
5) I want to finally learn to play my guitar
6) I want to find my purpose in life ( why do i get up every morning)
7) I want to learn french
8) I want more friends
9) I want my own apartment
10) I basically want to be happy

You know the saying , happiness comes from within? Well i want to find that happiness, that sense of bliss that fills my heart.

Well the one thing i can do now is ............ i have no ideal what it is! I hope it hits me before my next blog.

Love,
xoxo Layla